In this mood I've come to realize that I'm not really your typical fully functioning adult. And you know what? I'm actually okay with that. I enjoy things that some people my age would think were childish and not necessarily things I should be doing or enjoying at 30 years old, and I really don't care. I act more like a teenager than I do my own age most times. Don't get me wrong, I handle my responsibilities as an adult. I work, I pay what I have to pay, but when it comes to my free time and things I enjoy, I'm just not going to act like your typical 30 year old.
There are a lot of things I regret in my life. I don't know that I'll ever be happy with how my life is both professionally and personally. I'm at a job that I hate with a passion, I'm still single, no kids, I've never lived on my own. That's just my state of life right now. So I've come to accept to just enjoy the little things in my life that provide a little bit of happiness. And sometimes those things may seem childish to some people. Slowly I'm learning that I just don't give a flying fuck anymore. (Yeah, I got vulger.)
I'm just starting to learn not to be ashamed of this. It's happening slowly but it's happening. This is how I see it: All the things that I wish I could've done as a teenager, I'm doing now because I have the money and the independence to do it. Plus I have more access to find people who enjoy the things I do and have that sense of community. Not to mention I have more access to enjoy my likes. And when I say like, I mean shows, singers, actors, actresses, books. You name it, I'm enjoying it. And I have to stop feeling ashamed about it. It makes me happy and since there's not a lot of things that make me happy with my life I need to not be ashamed of the things that do.
To hell with people and their opinions. Why should I conform just because I'm an adult and people don't get it? I'm just starting to realize I'm not the only one like this. Sadly, no one who is close to me, but it's still a comfort to know I'm not the only one. Do I wish I had friends who shared my interests who I could call up and indulge in that? Sure? It would be nice to have a convention buddy, show buddy, music buddy, concert buddy, and so on. But I'll take what I can get as long as I can do those things. And the person who I see and learning from is my mom. She doesn't care what anyone thinks and will join me. She's always my go to for most of these things because I know she'll be down to go. And she'll be just as excited.
I mean I freaking hung out with some of my childhood heroes! If you don't know, those childhood heroes are Mighty Morphin Power Rangers actors Amy Jo Johnson and David Yost who portrayed the Pink Ranger Kimberly Hart and Blue Ranger Billy Cranston respectively. My brother and I were obsessed with MMPR when we were kids. I idolized the Pink Ranger when I was little. Kimberly was my absolute favorite. So much so that once she left the show I was done. Anyway, back in April I flew to New York (with my mom mind you) and got to hang out and have drinks with them along with a small group of other fans as a reward for helping contribute to a movie Amy Jo wanted to make. Never in a million years could my 6 year old self have imagined that as an adult I would get to hang out with Kimberly and Billy eating pizza, drinking beer and champagne.
It's those kinds of things that I'm talking about. I'll admit that when I was going on the trip i was hesitant to admit my real purpose of going due to risking embarrassment. Looking back on it, why the hell should I have felt embarrassed. I shouldn't feel embarrassed that I want to go to the any one of the One Tree Hill conventions that are hosted during the year. Or that I want to go too any comic con and meet all my favorite stars. I shouldn't feel embarrassed about all the awesome collectibles I own and am proud to display in the privacy of my home. Or that I like going online and talking about my fave shows, singers, books, etc and losing myself in those things. I want to fan-girl over the fact that my fave artist/actor favorited or responded to my tweet. And on the rare occasion that they followed me. As long as I don't become delusional about it, I think I'm okay.
I don't mind going out with friends and having a few drinks. I don't mind hanging out laughing and/or complaining about our adult lives. I welcome it a lot of the time, but I would be lying if I said I wouldn't prefer being home chatting with people about my fave shows and reading/writing fanfic. I'm just not at the same place a lot of the people I know are at and that's okay. I don't have too many responsibilities and I need to make the most of that while I can.
Sorry if I went on too long of a tangent and if it doesn't make sense. I was in a writing mood and had something I've been wanting to say.
Until next time.
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