Well it's one of those days again. I'm just feeling like the lowest of the low. Funny thing is I was having a pretty good day. Well that didn't last long. Got my job review and everything pretty much was a 'needs improvement'. That was a definite first for me. There wasn't anything positive. Which you would think would be nice to balance it out. Guess not. And while I knew there were things I needed to work on I never once thought it was that bad. I guess my unhappiness with this place has seeped through more-so than I thought this year.
I really think that some of the things were complete bullshit. 'So and so says they don't think they can approach you until 9:30am'. Are you fucking kidding me? So and so has approached me as soon as I get in plenty of times and I have never been unpleasant. Am I fully awake? No, but I was never unpleasant. 'I've gotten complaints that you've been a bit gruff on the phone.' Really? Hmm, and why has no one ever mentioned this to me? I always try to be nice and civil on the phone. It's never my intention to sound less than pleasant. Maybe there was a day where I wasn't at my perkiest, I don't know. But if you get a complaint why does no one say it then?
My biggest gripe was the 'needs to offer more support to the managers and director'. How the fuck am I supposed to make that happen? I've offered to help with anything they've needed. If you don't ask me to help you, then that's on you. How is that negative against me? It's bullshit!
I don't think I've hated my job as much as I do now. I really need to get out of here. I can't do this anymore. I've been so unhappy here. I know I've said this for so long now but I really do need to find another job. I've been looking the past couple years but I haven't found anything good for me. I really have to step up my search from casual to determined. This place is messing with my mind and self-esteem. There is so much stuff that goes on here that I can't stand and I don't just mean with me. This whole place if fucked up. It's like High School with the cliques and back-stabbing bullshit you would expect. Enough is enough!
I don't even really fucking care anymore. I'll do my job just to get through the day and until I find something else, but as for getting my best? Forget it. Letting me go would be a favor. I'm just done.
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