So I think I reached my max limit of what I'm willing to deal with when it comes to work. I know I've said it many times before but I think the fact that I get worked up and have mini to severe Panic attacks now at work, I think I reached the true limit. I am on this never-ending cycle of things being okay and then, just as I start to believe things have changed for the better, they stay the same as always. In the 11 1/2 years I have been here I have heard the same things over and over from different directors: "You have the potential to do more.", "You are underutilized.", "We need to see about expanding your skills and getting you involved in more.". You know what I have to say to that? BULLSHIT! 11 1/2 years and nothing has changed. Well, except maybe my job title. Oh and my bosses. I'm on director number 6. And the last one tried everything he could to get rid of me for no reason other than the fact he didn't like me, which I didn't understand because I never did anything to him. I have been screwed over by this place so many times I'm starting to believe I must enjoy being a masochist.
I am just so tired. My responsibilities have been reduced and are so routine I could probably do it in my sleep. You know what the toughest part is though? Sitting and listening to people discuss things you should be involved in because you have knowledge and could help but then not being acknowledged. I have a co-worker who was hired as a project and budget person in our department, which is great because we could use the help with that stuff and it is an overwhelming undertaking especially the projects side. But what has been bothering lately is that she is being given tasks and attending meetings that fit closer to my job. I run the work order system and deal with the day-to-day operations of maintaining campus and I am not involved with much of anything unless it involves me making a report or drafting a work order. Monday meetings with staff about work orders and other daily work being done on campus? I was never asked to be a part of it but she starts and she should. Summer turn over process? I deal with so much of the work load via work orders. Am I part of that? No. Initially I was but now I no longer have anything to do with it and just provide the spreadsheet. I don't get included in any meetings or anything. I just get asked to update the spreadsheet.
I'm going to be honest. My workload is not much. I could do a lot more but I'm not given anything. And it's so frustrating to be giving yourself filler work just to keep busy but your co-worker who tells you she is overwhelmed with the tasks she was hired to do, keeps getting additional tasks more inclined with your job. I don't blame her at all. She's just doing as she's told by our boss. I blame the hire up and I'm so tired of this BS. Why am I wasting my time waste a job that just doesn't acknowledge or appreciate my efforts. I want to do more. I want to expand my skill set. I want to learn more. But there is nothing being done to help me with that. I have a glorified title. I might as well be a part-time office helper. Why do I put up with this. I am in my early 30s and just wasting my time and potential at a thankless job. Let's not even get into the fact that this kind of work is the last kind of thing I wish to be doing. I deal with people who just whine and complain all the time and can't seem to do things for themselves. This started off as a temporary thing and then I got complacent. Well being complacent is not good enough anymore. My mental health has been suffering because of how unhappy I ma here and I finally need to do something about it. I have a goal in mind and I hope to meet it this year. Hopefully it will help. I'd like to think I'll meet the goal but with me, who knows?
