Poetry Corner: Isolation

Isolation, it's what I want now
People around me just cause anxiety
The butterflies flutter, my nerves escalate
My room is my safe haven, my sanctuary
I want to runaway but can't figure out how
I sometimes feel I'm losing grip of my sanity
Overcome with all these feelings I hate
I long for that sense of normalcy
Is it coming for me, will time allow
Is normalcy anywhere in the cards for me
Sometimes I feel good things aren't things I should anticipate

(Written by me 04/18/16)

When You Want To Hide From the World...

I actually got out and enjoyed the sun
over the weekend.

Okay, so as you probably already knew, I have been MIA the last couple of weeks. I apologize for that, but I have been having a tough time lately. I have been feeling very overwhelmed and when I do I tend to get in avoidance mode. I can't pin-point what triggered it but my depression and anxiety really got the best of me and I just wanted nothing to do with anything or anyone beyond the four walls of my room. I didn't want to deal with social media, I didn't want to go anywhere that required me dealing with people beyond going to work (obviously couldn't avoid that even though I really wanted to), I didn't want to talk on the phone, I didn't want to speak with anyone in any form. I just wanted to be alone. I wanted to be left alone and undisturbed.

I felt playful with Snapchat.

It's not anyone's fault really. It's all mine. It's been difficult for me. And I can't help but feel bad leaving people hanging when I just in a sense "disappear". I know and have come to know some really great people and I feel terrible just seemingly ignoring people, but I can't help it sometimes. It takes energy I feel I don't have. It takes such an effort to just get up in the mornings for work, just thinking about keeping up with conversations has me all anxious. It's a comfort to me to just get home, change into my PJs and sleep. I have slept so much in the last two weeks it's ridiculous.

But now it's time to stop hiding from the world. It's time to open up and enjoy things again. My sister got me to go out to dinner and my best friend convinced me to tag along with her to a baby shower this past weekend. I don't know if any of you know or have experienced what I'm talking about but while those seem like simple enough tasks it was quite an effort on my part. I was feeling quite nervous and anxious but I was determined to make the best of it. And I gotta say I did enjoy myself in the end and realized it was gonna be okay.

Again I'm sorry for being gone so long. Some may not care, but I still felt the need to explain. I know I can be unreliable but when I get that way I can't help myself. So in saying that, I will slowly be getting back into my social media accounts. I'm sure I have missed a lot, but I get caught up. Hope I haven't lost too many of you. :)